Golf's possible loss of sponsors and fans in the wake of the Tiger Woods sex scandal and indefinite hiatus was played for laughs with a biting edge by the US television comedy show Saturday Night Live.
One night earlier, Woods announced he was taking a leave from the PGA Tour to work on his marriage in the wake of his admitted cheating on wife Elin and multiple women claiming to have had sexual relationships with him.
The popular NBC humor show, which spoofed Woods and his wife last week, this time imitated US PGA commissioner Tim Finchem trying to convince people to keep watching and sponsors to pay without Woods, who doubles US golf TV ratings.
A phony Finchem gradually becomes more disheveled over three segments, eventually ending by yelling, "We've really got nobody. Nobody." and yelling "Tiiiiger". A voice-over concludes the last segment by saying, "P.S. - Yikes."
The spots mentioned several real golfers from around the world, the faux Finchem trying in vain to convince himself that they can replace Woods in the hearts and minds of golf fans and sponsors.
The fake Finchem rejected some possible audience grabbers such as "sexy caddies" and struggled to find a new PGA catch-phrase, saying at one point, "The PGA Tour - I mean, what else are you going to do? Talk to your wife?"
Ridiculing the worst fears of PGA players and officials, the final skit had Finchem screaming, "You know that saying any publicity is good publicity... the guy who came up with that, he's a liar."
In the first segment, "Finchem" hyped such players as Australian Geoff Ogilvy, South African Trevor Immelman ("Can you handle the Immel, man?") and American Tim Herron, using his nickname to warn "Watch out for Lumpy."
After sneaking his first of several swigs from a flask, a nervous "Finchem" kept talking as sponsor logos were being removed from the wall behind him.
"I think the PGA Tour will be just fine without Tiger Woods. And the sponsors, they are excited too," the pseudo-Finchem said as the empire crumbled around him. "The PGA Tour - No Tiger, no problem."
Minutes later, a more disheveled-looking Finchem returned with new sponsor logos behind him and thanked the PGA's new backers - jailed investment banker Bernie Madoff's group, the Disney movie "Old Dogs" and Major League Soccer.
Fiji's Vijay Singh and Spain's Miguel Angel Jimenez were used to hype diversity in the absence of Woods, with "Finchem" declaring, "Those guys aren't going to cheat on anyone."
"We even have an African golfer - Nick Price. He's from Zimbabwe. That counts," the mock PGA boss said.
The phony Finchem noted the Thai heritage of Woods on his mother Kultida's side, bragging about having a "full Asian" like Japan's Shigeki Maruyama or 2009 PGA Championship winner Yang Yong-Eun of South Korea.
"Y.E. Yang? More like Y.E.S," said the fake Finchem.
He also said the PGA was desperately seeking the "second-best black golfer."
"We're just going to drive through poor neighborhoods until we find a big guy walking through the rain," he said, a nod to new US film "Blind Side" about a gridiron blocker's true story.
In the last segment, the fake Finchem was wearing his tie like a bandana, singing "Eye of the Tiger, the wandering eye of a jerk", and hyping PGA golf cart races.
Having given up on diversity, the faux Finchem cited such unreal players as "Whitey Whiterson, 'Trust Fund' Jones, just dudes regular dudes like to watch."
He thanked the PGA's remaining sponsors - seltzer, the letter "Q" and the Chamber of Commerce of Erie, Pennsylvania.
The ridicule was far from done, however. In a news segment, Woods's break from golf was mentioned but anchor Seth Meyers noted, "I'm pretty sure golf wasn't the problem."
Later in the news came "Mistress Number 15," a woman playing a Woods floozy spoofing the amazing number of women who have claimed to have had affairs with the 14-time major champion.
"What was I supposed to do? It's really hard not to have an affair with someone you are having sex with," she said. "He would do the most romantic things. Like sometimes he would text me."
When she learned about other women, she said she was mad - "I couldn't believe he would cheat on me. I thought I was special."
Asked why she came forward, the phony mistress replied, "I felt like if I waited I'd be known as mistress number 16 or 17 and at that point I'd be thought of as a slut."
