Ted Nugent wants to be Obama's drug czar
It seems as though self-titled "rock legend" Ted Nugent is no fan of taking a Journey to the Center of the Mind.
The same Nugent who said, during an August 2007 concert, -- as he was holding what appeared to be two assault rifles -- "Obama, he's a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun," seems to have undergone a change of heart.
Instead of death threats, now Nugent wants a job. And not just any job. He's got the Cat Scratch Fever for no less than US Drug Czar.
RAW STORY apologizes for the level of absurdity portions of this story reach. Something tells us that when Obama promised "change that we can believe in," he couldn't have possibly imagined this.
But Ted seems convinced.
"[Drug traffickers] are as evil an adversary as the voodoo terrorist Taliban our soldiers face in Afghanistan," writes Nugent in a Thursday editorial.
An avid hunter, Nugent has been politically active as an opponent of gun control laws and he is a board member of the National Rifle Association. He has considered trying to take his political activism all the way to the Governor's Mansion in his native Michigan.
"That would be beautiful," Nugent said when asked by Reuters if he would run for governor in 2010. "I have threatened to do so and I was sincere."
In today's America, even with the Terminator serving as Governor of California, a conspiratorial wrestler as the former Governor of Minnesota, a variety show comedian likely to take a seat in the US Senate, and swirling reports that the President-elect is offering the job of Surgeon General to a television doctor ...
Well, perhaps Nugent's plea shouldn't come as a surprise.
Although, unlike his unexpectedly viable counterparts, Nugent once, reportedly, urinated on a nun.
Despite the context, his appeal is easily, and hopefully, construed by most as rhetorical.
"Call me, President Obama," writes Nugent. "Hippies, dope heads, corrupt politicos and various other human debris hate me, which makes me the perfect man for the job."
Then again, perhaps Nugent has a leg-up on the competition. He certainly sounds like a US Drug Czar. It was only 1937 when Harry J. Anslinger, father of America's drug war and the government's first drug czar, testified to the Senate: "the primary reason to outlaw marijuana is its effect on the degenerate races."
Nugent's take is ... A bit modernized.
"Our inner cities will remain war zones until we commit to taking the trash out," he writes at the polemic's most cringe-inducing line.
"[A]s America's Drug Czar, I would put a big hurt on the drug kingpins and consumers like they have never seen," he concludes. "Every American who smokes dope, manufactures, buys or sells meth or uses any illegal drugs is aiding and abetting the enemies of America. Case closed. This spiritual inbreeding and cannibalism must be identified, admitted to and stopped immediately. America can, and must do this."
For Nugent to ask Obama for this position in particular is humorous on its face, especially considering what he once told High Times magazine about how he escaped the Vietnam draft.
"I got 30 days' notice of the physical," Nugent reportedly said. "I ceased cleansing my body. Two weeks before the test I stopped eating food with nutritional value. A week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. My pants got crusted up."
High Times also reported he told military health officials that he'd been smoking enough meth to get "this big juicy 4F."
When confronted by The Independent on these quotes, Nugent denied their veracity and instead claimed he had simply fabricated his responses to High Times because the interviewers came in with "glazed eyes."
He also denies ever urinating on a nun, but notes to Texas Monthly, "believe me, had I the opportunity, I probably would have" and, "many of them deserved it!"
Your move, President-elect Obama.