Daily Show: As Democrats battle, John McCain holds a rib roast 
Jon Stewart made fun of all three leading president candidates on the eve of Tuesday's primaries.
Barack Obama's latest message to Hillary Clinton, Stewart suggested, amounts to "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were still here." He commented that "Obama might be a good candidate, but seems like he'd be kind of a dicky boyfriend."
Stewart also mocked Clinton's dismissal of Obama's inspirational speeches, caricaturing her position as "I'm not looking to be one of those people who inspires others, or ... wins, or gets to be president. It's tacky!"
Meanwhile, John McCain is already celebrating his apparent lock on the Republican nomination. According to a report from CNN's Dana Bash. "He had a gas grill going and he was barbecuing baby back ribs."
"Dude, it was crazy," said Stewart. "He roasted a whole pig and we played beer bong, and then Lindsay Graham jumped in the pool with his clothes on. He's nuts!"
"Still," Stewart said, more seriously, "I'm sure ... there was some discussion of the difficult political campaign ahead."
"He was sharing with everybody his recipe for the best, from his perspective, the best baby back ribs," Bash went on. "And actually we'll put it on our website if anybody is going to want that."
"Two parts vinegar, one part honey, and a splash of Mitt Romney's bitter tears," was all Stewart could say in response to this final revelation.
This video is from Comedy Central's The Daily Show, broadcast March 3, 2008.
Transcript via closed captions
:: folks, you remember super tuesday. it was in february or super duper tuesday as they were calling it. the mega february primary where states primed all over the caucuses of other states to move their primaries up, get their voices heard and be the deciding factor in this year's presidential election. well, they were way off. super tuesday decided nothing, but this tuesday with just four states-- texas, ohio, vermont and rhode island-- three-and-a-half states. i'm not going to say which one. this is the one, probably. the ultimate last final showdown unless hillary wins one or both of the larger states. now, here we go. the last few days senators clinton and obama have madly criss-crossed texas and ohio. then back to texan and ohio. the candidates ended up not two miles from each other speaking at rival ohio high schools westerville north and westerville central. and really, westerville north? those guys are total gaylords. now,.... ( applause ) i do want to say this for westerville north people. we did flip a coin to see which school we were going to call gaylords. it came up westerville north 16 times in a row. i'm sorry. chance doesn't lie. but both senators were on message. senator clinton's message, "so, obama talked pretty one day."
:: sometimes i finish a speech and people come up to me and say that was so inspiring and so wonderful. it made me feel so good. i say, well, that's great but that's just words.
:: jon: exactly. you know, it's one thing when you're up there "iech bein berliner." until you fill out the necessary paperwork in triplicate. that's all i've got. that's four years of german right there, people. that's all i've got. senator obama's message? i'm sorry, i didn't realize you were still here.
:: if we do well in texas and ohio, i think the math is such where it will be hard for her to win the nomination.
:: the press has sort of bought into this i think because they want to keep the contest interesting. she has got a little december prats... desperate for the end of this campaign.
:: jon: huh. obama might be a good candidate but it seems like he'd be kind of a dicky boyfriend.
:: i don't want to be one of these people running for office, oh, you know, and i come and you've got the bright lights and all the cameras and i give you this big old speech and everybody feels good and you walk out and you turn to your neighbor and you say, well, that was beautiful. but what did it mean?
:: jon: i'm not looking to be one of those people who fires others or wichbs... or wins or gets to be president. it's tacky. it's tacky. and while some people say barack obama can also be passive-aggressive, who am i to show you a concrete example?
:: i have enough experience to know if you have a national intelligence estimate and the chairman of the national... the chairman of the senate intelligence committee says usual read this, this is why i'm voting against the war, that you should probably read it.
:: jon: hey, senators chrinted onand obama, get a room where the two of you can yell directly at each other. right now this whole election seems like an alcohol-free edward albee play. but i guess the only solace for the democrats is that the republican challengers mccain and huckabee are also still locked in a battle to the finish.
:: i'm dana bash in arizona with john mccain. we just got back from a barbecue at his house. he had a gas grill going. he was barbecuing baby back ribs.
:: jon: the dude is crazy. he roasted a whole pig and we played beer bong then lindsey graham jumped in the pool with his clothes on. he's nuts. still, i'm sure mccain is somewhat concerned. i'm sure there was some discussion of the difficult political campaign ahead. yes?
:: he was sharing with everybody his recipe for the best, from his perspective, the best baby back ribs. we put it on our web site if anybody is going to want that. ( cheers and applause )
:: jon: you know, you don't have to check the web site. two parts vinegar, one part honey and a splash of might romney's bitter tears. the audience are half drama majors, half mormon tonight. while mccain celebrates with baby back ribs, the democratic candidates grapple on.
:: senator clinton did have some very good news today which she was excited to share with us. $35 million raised by her campaign in the last month alone.
:: jon: that is a lot of money. i guess her political obituary was premature.
:: within two hours of having told us, however, abc news was able to confirm barack obama's campaign said it will have raised $50 million.
:: jon: wow. both those totals are obscene. but you know what? in texas it's not about money. it's about the hispanic vote. what's this? senator clinton with the world's tiniest mariachi. barack obama. vive obama ( cheers and applause )
:: jon: that is it, obama. senator clinton didn't want to do this, but it's go-time. the election is about hope not fear... or was.
:: it's 3:00 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep. but there's a phone in the white house and it's ringing. something's happening in the world. your vote will decide who answers that call. whether it's someone who already knows the world leaders, knows the military, someone tested and ready to lead in a dangerous world. it's 3:00 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep. who do you want answering the phone?
:: i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message.
:: jon: look, i have a couple of problems with this commercial. one, something is always happening in the world. two, i don't care who is president but whoever it is better pick up before the sixth ring. i gave them five rings. no one there. i guess we should just launch the missile. and three, if you're going to come up with a powerful advertisement that will propel you to victory, make sure it wasn't done first by this guy.
:: the most awesome, powerful responsibility in the world lies in the hand that picks up this phone. the idea of an unsure, unstudy, untested hand is something to really think about. this is the issue of our times. on march 20, vote as if the future of the world is at stake. mondale. this president will know what he's doing. ,, .. ,, .. ( cheers and applause )
 
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