Daily Show: Inflating your tires 'only encourages the terrorists'
On Wednesday's Daily Show, Jon Stewart took on Senator John McCain's insistence that offshore drilling is the answer to our energy problems.
"We need to drill here! We need to drill now!" McCain recently demanded.
"The administration's own Department of Energy says the effects of drilling now wouldn't even be felt until 2030," Stewart objected. "Unless we could somehow whittle that figure down?"
"Oil company executives say that it could be as short a time as one to two years," McCain has stated. On another occasion, he suggested it could be just "a matter of months."
"Drilling offshore has already saved us!" Stewart exclaimed. "Cyborgs from the future have been sent here to drill offshore to prevent Osama bin Laden from killing John Connor!"
Stewart acknowledged that even Barack Obama, who was insisting in June that "my job is not to go with the polls," has now announced that his own plan "does include a limited amount of new offshore drilling."
"Damn!" said Stewart, but he added, "To be fair, Obama released an energy plan that included a comprehensive list ... touching on everything from investing in alternative energy to turning off your lights to making sure your tires are inflated."
"My opponent doesn't want to drill!" demagogued McCain in response to Obama's plan. "He doesn't want nuclear power! He wants you to inflate your tires!"
"Senator McCain took his message of ending our dependence on oil to the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally and Crystal Meth Olympics in South Dakota," Stewart went on, showing McCain telling the bikers, "I'll take the roar of 50,000 Harleys any day."
"Any day that we're not locked in a global battle with oil-producing terrorist states," Stewart interjected.
"I recognize that sound," McCain declaimed over the noise of many engines. "It's the sound of freedom!"
"No, it's the sound of money being funneled to Saudi Arabia," corrected Stewart.
After playing a few clips of the licentious Miss Buffalo Chip beauty contest, for which McCain had jokingly volunteered his wife, Stewart noted, "To sum up, tuning up your cars and keeping your tires inflated is unbelievably gay and only encourages the terrorists, but stationary yet still-roaring engines combined with banana-fueled oral sex demonstrations are ..."
"...the heart and soul of America!" McCain cried out.
"After all that," concluded Stewart, "this is what McCain said yesterday. 'Senator Obama a couple of days ago said that we ought to all inflate our tires, and I don't disagree with that.'"
This video is from Comedy Central's The Daily Show, broadcast August 6, 2008.
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