Colbert shows solidarity with Bill O'Reilly F-bomb rant
With a newly-discovered video of Fox pundit Bill O'Reilly exploding into a profanity-laced rant quickly becoming the latest Internet sensation, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert was bound to be drawn into the ongoing commotion.
"Apparently some jokers out there have posted a twenty year old video of my mentor, Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly," Colbert began, showing a bleeped version of the clip. "It's a shocker. I mean, who could have guessed Bill O'Reilly had a temper?"
"In solidarity with you, Bill," Colbert continued, "I am showing a never-before-seen clip of me back when I was the midday anchor at WPTS in Patterson Springs, North Carolina."
Colbert then played a clip of himself -- with an exaggerated 90's hairstyle and suit -- finding it difficult to read the words "I'm sorry, I was wrong" off a teleprompter and then erupting into a storm of obscenities and vulgar gestures.
"What the hell?" Colbert yells. "(Beep, beep, beep) Who is that new guy? What's your name? Brian what? (Beep) Brian Williams, you'll never work in this business again. I'm too big for this town. I'll let you know I had a call back for a job in Richmond, Virginia. (Beep) capital V-A. (Beep) Well, we'll do it live. (Beep)"
"This is live," an off-camera voice informs him.
This video is from Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, broadcast May 13, 2008.
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Transcript via closed captions
:: nation, i was on the internets last night conducting my weekly search for sex tapes of myself. i'm pretty sure i haven't made any, but i do take a lot of ambien, so you never know. now, i did not... keep me posted. now, i didn't find any footage of me, but i did find something that made my blood boil. apparently, some jokers out there have posted a 20-year-old video of my mentor papa bear bill o'reilly on the set of his polk-award winning series "inside edition." jimmy, show them what i'm talking about.
:: that's tomorrow. that is it for us today.
:: stephen: whatever it is. it's not right on the teleprompter. i don't know what that is. i've never seen that. i can't read it. there's no words on it. there's no words there. to play us out. what does that mean? to play us out?
:: it's a video. it's a sting video.
:: i don't know what that means. to play us out. what does that mean? to end the show?
:: yeah.
:: all right. go, go. that's tomorrow. and that is it for us today. we will leave you with a... i can't do it. we'll do it live. we'll do it live (beep). do it live. we'll do it live. (beep)
:: that's tomorrow. that is it for us today. i'm bill o'reilly thanks again for watching. we'll leave you with sting and a cut off his new album. take it away.
:: stephen: now, folks, before you pass judgment, keep in mind this clip is from the early '90s. that means the sting individual owe he was going to play was from sting's album the soul cages. the first time i heard it, i wanted to bead someone to death with a lute. now, i can see why this o'reilly clip is popular. it's a shocker. i mean, who could have guessed bill o'reilly had a temper?
:: he should have been deported. and this mayor and this police chief didn't deport him.
:: stephen: good one, bill. now, as far as i'm concerned bill did nothing wrong in that "inside edition" clip. he just has a firm hand. ask anyone he has loofa 'd. you've got to strike a little fear into the crew. i mean, my crew is always trying to sneak phrases into the teleprompter and i and my tiny, tiny penis will not stand for it. i have a tiny penis, okay? so, in solidarity, in solidarity with you, bill, tonight i am showing a never- before-seen clip of me back when i was the midday anchor at ptst in patterson springs, north carolina. jimmy?
:: it was the first time they had seen something like this in over 20 years in the business. looks like at this pet store, it really is a dog eat dog world.
:: stephen: now it's time for the oops file. correcting yesterday's broadcast, shamir is not a character on perfect strangers. but is actually the prime minister of israel. i'm....
:: stephen: okay. we have a problem. something is wrong with the prompter. those are not the right words. those aren't words. what does that mean? i am sorry i was wrong. what is that? i don't know that. i've never seen those words before in my life. what?
:: it's an apology.
:: you mean like i made a mistake.
:: i'm not research. so i'm not... whatever that word is.
:: that's the script. let's just do it, stephen.
:: stephen: fine, fine. we'll do it again. we'll do it again. come on. actually, the prime minister of israel. iowa's... (mumbling) what the hell. beep, beep, beep) (who is that new guy? what's your name? brian what? (beep) brian williams. you'll never work in this business again. i'm too big for this town. i'll let you know i had a call back for a job in richmond, virginia. (beep) capital v-a. (beep) well, we'll do it live (beep)
:: stephen, stephen, this is live.
:: stephen: well that's it for the news at noon. where we bring you what matterson to patterson... springs. ( cheers and applause )
:: stephen: may i point out nobody wears dickeys anymore, just me and brokaw. it's a lost art. we'll be right back. ,, .. ,, .. ( cheers and applause )
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