Colbert: Troops' seats 'come pre-moistened with finest American ass sweat'
 A recent revelation by the Washington Post that the Air Force had sought to spend war funds on "comfort capsules" in military aircraft became the target of a segment on Stephen Colbert's Tuesday night show.
In his regularly appearing feature, The Word, Colbert mocked the so-called "comfort capsules," ripping the special travel considerations for military brass and civilian leadership as "a brand new weapon to defeat the terrorists."
"Nation, the military's anti-terror budget is sacred," said Colbert. "That money can only be used for crucial programs like surveillance satellites, predator drones, and finding out which Army translators are gay."
Colbert used the story to make a comparison to photos leaked by POGO, focusing on the lurid traveling conditions for American soldiers. Whereas, says POGO, "Air Force generals frivolously blew hundreds of thousands in taxpayer dollars because they didn't like the color of seat belts, carpet, leather and wood used in work and living space units being developed for use on cargo planes."
Referencing the troops' dilapidated seating, Colbert joked, "Those seats look like they come pre-moistened with the finest American ass sweat. Plus ..."
Pausing momentarily, Colbert waved his hands toward his face, drawing a rise from his audience. "No, I was merely wafting the musk. The musk, of the ass sweat."
Colbert rhetorically asked the audience how President Reagan 'beat' the Soviets. The on-screen caption, 'By trading arms for hostages?', was typically ignored, and Colbert claimed the Cold War was won by the Star Wars missile defense program.
"It wasn't really effective, but it cost a hell of a lot of money," he said. This buildup, joked Colbert, caused the USSR to try and match the United States, dragging them into bankruptcy.
"I say, we folks can do the same thing with bin Laden," he said. "Just imagine him sitting in his dingy cave, when he reads by the glow of his dialysis machine, about the general's 37-inch flat screen TV's with stereo sound, or the leather recliners that swivel so that 'the longitudinal axis of the seat is parallel to the longitudinal axis of the aircraft.'"
Colbert's suggestion being, the war on terror could be won by impressing on bin Laden this 'comfort gap,' which would force him to divert money from terrorist training camps into interior design.
This video is from Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, broadcast July 22, 2008.
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