Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert pitches heterosexuality to HRC's Joe Solomonese In the second installment of Better Know A Lobbyist: Gay Agenda, which debuted Wednesday night, Stephen Colbert once more summons his inner pundit to further probe Human Rights Campaign president Joe Solomonese on the "fightin' gays."
"Gay people are as diverse as America is generally," says Solomonese. "And, what gay people are fighting for right now is the same thing that all Americans have access to."
When asked when he "chose to be gay," Solomonese in turn asked Colbert when he "chose to be straight."
"Like, November of '82," Colbert responds. "I just want to let you know: I had options."
On 10 USC 654, more commonly known as the Don't Ask, Don't Tell military policy, Colbert takes issue with the LGBT community asserting that the policy doesn't work. He asks: "How can it work if people like you are running around telling everybody?"
"No one asks," he continues, "but you also got to not tell. Don't you see this is kind of your fault?"
"Well," responds Solomonese, "that's sort of a two-way street."
"We're doing our part," Colbert says in agreement, "by ignoring your needs."
Colbert's discomfort over how, as he puts it, LGBT people use their genitalia, prompts him to begin touting heterosexuality.
"Let me lobby you for a second," he segues.
"They have great... things," he continues, almost unable to put into words the virtues of women. "They have great... parts."
"Let's look at it practically: There are just way more options!"
Asks Solomonese: "That's it? That's your lobbying effort?"
"I'll say this," Colbert reviews. "They're soft, they smell good, they have vaginas--"
"--OK," Solomonese responds. "I think that, well, there are lots of beautiful women. There are lots of good looking men, but--"
"--I grant you that," Colbert interjects. "Hey: Denzel Washington, gun to my head, of course."
On the topic of "Wayne's World," Solomonese's favorite movie, Colbert asks a rather personal question, which his subject politely declines to answer:
"What makes you go 'schwing?'"
The entire exchange, as broadcast on Comedy Central's Colbert Report on February 7, 2008, is available to view below. The first installment is available HERE.
 
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