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Keith Olbermann: What to do when O'Reillyists attack
Mike Aivaz and Muriel Kane
Published: Tuesday October 2, 2007

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"The Bill O'Reilly saga continues," said Keith Olbermann on Monday, adding that "the principal issue now is how to defend yourself from O'Reilly unplugged."

Olbermann explained that Bill O'Reilly has responded to coverage of last week's story about his racist remarks after visiting a black restaurant "by threatening to 'come after, hunt down' all those who criticized him, adding he fantasized about 'strangling' all of us."

Olbermann then promised to use "state of the art video techniques" to show how to defend yourself "when an O'Reillyist attacks," pointing out that "Mr. O'Reilly's reference to hunting you down and coming after you is a dead giveaway that he plans another onslaught of attacks by his stalker producers."

Olbermann illustrated what he meant by showing Fox News video of one of their people approaching NBC military analyst Bill Arkin as he was loading his car up in a parking lot and asking him, "Could I talk to you about some of the comments that you made? ... How could you say what you said? Don't you think that was really hurtful and harmful to the military families?"

"The safest thing to do is to assume that Bill is sending one of these junior jagoffs with a camera to stalk us," Olbermann continued. "So if we know they're coming, how do we protect ourselves? How do we keep Bill-O from getting anything he would want, or even legally could put on the air?"

Olbermann then introduced "a special segment we call 'How to talk to Bill O'Reilly's stalker-producer in a way that guarantees the interview does not get on the air!'" He began by showing three clips of himself being approached in a parking lot by someone representing a Fox producer in order to dramatize all the wrong responses.

"Intellectual, physical, or scatological arguments are just not going to work," Olbermann stated. "You're being ambushed by Bill O'Reilly's minion from Hell. You have to fight fire with fire. You -- as in example number four -- ambush back." He then provided three more clips illustrating the strategic use of references to Malmedy, Andrea Makris or loofahs -- all keywords to particularly embarrassing incidents in O'Reilly's past.

"And there you have it," concluded Olbermann. "When the O'Reilly minion comes to your door to wreak revenge by proxy because Bill is too scared to try to do it himself, just keep your wits about you and keep those three words in your head. Repeat them in any combination, intelligible or not, and you will be safe when the O'Reillyist attack inevitably comes. Malmedy. Makris. Loofah."

The following video is from MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann, broadcast on October 1, 2007